Saturday, July 17, 2010

Is your Sack Empty ??

The unanswerable question, that arises in every mind. To be or not to be, to stick to it or to move on !I encountered two incidents last week that made me think, think about that mystical cloud that clutters over relationships.

Incident 1 : A Very close friend of mine who was complaining about his Job, his arrogant boss, his monotonous schedule, his unfriendly team mates and so on!

Incident 2 : Another friend of me who started having problems in his long term relationship, who now wonders if she should stick to it or to move on!

I'm sure they shared things not just because they needed a solution for their problems from me, but a heart not an ear that could listen to their issues. I was listening to them for almost an hour.
I consoled them and that night these thought preoccupied my mind, It was a no moon day, the day I usually spend time in my terrace star gazing. That day I was wondering how jumbled and disarrayed these stars are but still they remain alluring. Just think wouldn't it be boring if the stars were aligned in a matrix one after other ?? So is Life
"Life is Complete only with all the Incompleteness"

As I was gazing at the bewitching sky, the voice of my fiends who spoke to me started echoing. I stretched myself of the straw mat in my terrace and started thinking. I found a similarity in both their issues. The Expect things in return for what they do, of course everyone does, but when your actions are merely focussed on the returns, you can expect disappointment as it is a rule, for mosta the game we think we play, but its the circumstance that governs the game.

The person in the relationship says she was utmost dedicated, she does everything for him and she "Sacrificed" this, that and a lot for him but he always does things in his own way, he never bothers to care. The friend of mine said his boss neva appreciates when his idea clicks or when he is ahead of deadline, but the boss never fails to screw every inch of his happiness when he slips his schedule and a lot more complaints. Both of them have "Adjusted" for a long time and finally when they broke out it is volcanic. Whats the problem here, neither of the sides is justifiable. After contemplating on both of their issues 'n complaints I found the loophole which might have been the reason for a major problem.

I found a war between "Adjust and Understand".
Whenever the situations and circumstances are undesirable, when we have a red eye over our boss, when we have a face-off with a loved one, when we have a controversy with a close friend, when we have a difference of opinion with a colleague or business partner, human tendency is to try defending our Stans and if that is not possible we try to Adjust. "Adjust", there begins every problem.

Consider in every relationship you have a sack at your back. Sack is empty in the beginning, and as days roll on, we come with all the above said difference of opinions leading to verbal wars. SO what you think is, it is better to avoid this topic here-on. So this is adjusting, which sounds pretty correct to have a smooth relationship. But just consider this as a stone, the topic which you avoid to discuss is a stone added in the sack in your back. As days roll on, you get new stones added in the sack of your relationship. You have a lot of topics that you could not discuss/share. So a virtual distance rises up, the topics you avoid starts out numbering the topics you could discuss. A gap or a slit is formed in the relationship. What sounded to be really prospective/lovable in the begining is something now which you think a lot even before just speaking. Your Sack has become so heavy, you find it difficult to carry the relationship. It simply means, Adjusting can never be a solution. Its o'ly the foundation you lay problem that you wanna see down the line.

So what can be done. If Adjusting is not the solution, what else is ?
Understand. People often confuse these too. They pretend to understand,but what they actually do it Adjust. Yes, Understanding is also a sack at the back, but with a big hole, you drop the stone at the sack but its dropped on the way, foreva, keeping your relationships light!

To Understand someone is not so easy, but yes, it is not so tough too, If you really are interested in having the relationship moving smooth. Just two things would do.
1.) What if I were him/her ?
If this again gives a negative answer for you, Goto 2
2.) People are as different as their DNA. God made them so.Nobody is a replica of yours. Those who live happy don't have the right ones next to them. It is just that they learn to enjoy living with minor discrepancies . They have a concave lens over the negatives and convex over the positives.

Relationships are like crystals once broken can never be fixed
and even if fixed will never be the same.
Treasure every Relationship and Never be judgmental. Keep your Sack Empty !!

Happy Living !!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Angel Disguised !!

" God is too busy to look over everyone, and so he does sends Angel to look after you! "

I am the youngest and she is the eldest, All we had is fights. I still remember the days where I show up to school with three inch bruises on my wrist and yes am brave enough to mark my ability by clawing her face and hands. We were just more than terrible as kids. All I know those days is I'm Tom and shez Jerry, I would be screwed up even if I'm silent. But yeah, I'm not as silent as Tom;-)

Years rolled off, we grew, but things never changed. I found her no better. Nothing less than a villain in-house ;) I hate the Hitlorism. The way she wakes me up @ 4 in the morning, (but, I always liked the coffee she offers in the morning) I hate the way she makes sure that I have my Chemistry book on hand, all lights are on and every damn thing. Its always tough to flick-trick her. The moment I doze in my table, she'll be there behind me know what.. :-(

Thou my conscience knew that I wud have neva scored the decent 78% in 10th without those hitlorism, My brain never tried to be submissive. 10th results were out. Teenage, I jus wanted to freak out. I opted for commerce group, she tore my application, the point I literally felt how wud it be if I haven't had her in my life. I was pushed into science group. and again those sort of hitlorism for another 2 years, in fact it became even more worse. but how could you wake up someone who pretends to be sleeping ;-)

Finally 12th was done too, with a mediocre 75%, but that never really bothered me. I was fine with the path that life takes me. I jus felt I cud enjoy whatever be it. Now here came the entrance exam and I said a biG no, I din want to struggle with the Engineering agenda!! I was stomped and buckled and made to write the entrance exam. but yes I still remember how I wrote it. It was a beautiful rainy day. I had an amazing sleep once I got in my exam hall. The supervisor woke me up in the last 30 minutes asking me to break-open the answer sheet seal, and so did I. Now its time to complete. Guess its 99 question, took me 15 mins, of-course that the max for a person who fills A-B-C-D-D-C-B-A Pattern ;)

And finally Once I got all my results out, my friends started joining in the Best colleges around, a sense of isolation draped my heart. I become secluded myself. To my wonder I found the so called Hitler to be the most understanding person at that time. She so stood in my shoes. She made all possible moves and went to the extremities of disposing our possession to make sure I get into the best college. All those things made me think, I was in a fake world where I misunderstood. All I saw is her actions, but not her intentions. Its the time she made me realize whats life, removing my rosy glass, and yeh she too understood that I realized things happening around me.

She spoke hours together which bought me nothing less than the tears from heart. How fake are perceptions. What we presume to be "The ignorablez" are actually the most adorable. She was there for me, making me realize my potential and encouraging me in every single point of time.

I owe all that I have to her, for without her I would have never become an Engineer, I would have never had such a job,I would have never known whats good and whats not, I would have neva known whats important and whats not, I would have never become a person who can handle life practically and live by values. My dad passed away when I was 9, but I'm certain about the fact that he took care of me through her, She was not just a sister, but a friend, a philosopher, a teacher, a father and yeh an Angel too!

Thanks for all that you are. And yes, Wish you a very very Happy B'day My dear Sis !!

I'm lucky that I have sucha wonderful Sis like ya! Luv ya! :) :)

Keep Smiling, for you are blessed with two Angel to take care of you. All My prayers are there for you and the pretty two with you!! :) :)