The unanswerable question, that arises in every mind. To be or not to be, to stick to it or to move on !I encountered two incidents last week that made me think, think about that mystical cloud that clutters over relationships.
Incident 1 : A Very close friend of mine who was complaining about his Job, his arrogant boss, his monotonous schedule, his unfriendly team mates and so on!
Incident 2 : Another friend of me who started having problems in his long term relationship, who now wonders if she should stick to it or to move on!
I'm sure they shared things not just because they needed a solution for their problems from me, but a heart not an ear that could listen to their issues. I was listening to them for almost an hour.
I consoled them and that night these thought preoccupied my mind, It was a no moon day, the day I usually spend time in my terrace star gazing. That day I was wondering how jumbled and disarrayed these stars are but still they remain alluring. Just think wouldn't it be boring if the stars were aligned in a matrix one after other ?? So is Life
"Life is Complete only with all the Incompleteness"
As I was gazing at the bewitching sky, the voice of my fiends who spoke to me started echoing. I stretched myself of the straw mat in my terrace and started thinking. I found a similarity in both their issues. The Expect things in return for what they do, of course everyone does, but when your actions are merely focussed on the returns, you can expect disappointment as it is a rule, for mosta the game we think we play, but its the circumstance that governs the game.
The person in the relationship says she was utmost dedicated, she does everything for him and she "Sacrificed" this, that and a lot for him but he always does things in his own way, he never bothers to care. The friend of mine said his boss neva appreciates when his idea clicks or when he is ahead of deadline, but the boss never fails to screw every inch of his happiness when he slips his schedule and a lot more complaints. Both of them have "Adjusted" for a long time and finally when they broke out it is volcanic. Whats the problem here, neither of the sides is justifiable. After contemplating on both of their issues 'n complaints I found the loophole which might have been the reason for a major problem.
I found a war between "Adjust and Understand".
Whenever the situations and circumstances are undesirable, when we have a red eye over our boss, when we have a face-off with a loved one, when we have a controversy with a close friend, when we have a difference of opinion with a colleague or business partner, human tendency is to try defending our Stans and if that is not possible we try to Adjust. "Adjust", there begins every problem.
Consider in every relationship you have a sack at your back. Sack is empty in the beginning, and as days roll on, we come with all the above said difference of opinions leading to verbal wars. SO what you think is, it is better to avoid this topic here-on. So this is adjusting, which sounds pretty correct to have a smooth relationship. But just consider this as a stone, the topic which you avoid to discuss is a stone added in the sack in your back. As days roll on, you get new stones added in the sack of your relationship. You have a lot of topics that you could not discuss/share. So a virtual distance rises up, the topics you avoid starts out numbering the topics you could discuss. A gap or a slit is formed in the relationship. What sounded to be really prospective/lovable in the begining is something now which you think a lot even before just speaking. Your Sack has become so heavy, you find it difficult to carry the relationship. It simply means, Adjusting can never be a solution. Its o'ly the foundation you lay problem that you wanna see down the line.
So what can be done. If Adjusting is not the solution, what else is ?
Understand. People often confuse these too. They pretend to understand,but what they actually do it Adjust. Yes, Understanding is also a sack at the back, but with a big hole, you drop the stone at the sack but its dropped on the way, foreva, keeping your relationships light!
To Understand someone is not so easy, but yes, it is not so tough too, If you really are interested in having the relationship moving smooth. Just two things would do.
1.) What if I were him/her ?
If this again gives a negative answer for you, Goto 2
2.) People are as different as their DNA. God made them so.Nobody is a replica of yours. Those who live happy don't have the right ones next to them. It is just that they learn to enjoy living with minor discrepancies . They have a concave lens over the negatives and convex over the positives.
Relationships are like crystals once broken can never be fixed
and even if fixed will never be the same.
Treasure every Relationship and Never be judgmental. Keep your Sack Empty !!
Happy Living !!